They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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