Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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