sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
