smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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