Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
