guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
