Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
