No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
