i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
