omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
