do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I DEMAND FORESKIN
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
