Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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