I am spending my child support on dildos
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize