I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize