It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
