Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize