worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
