He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why do cheetos always look like penises
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
