Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
