i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
