Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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