At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
do herpes really smell.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize