apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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