An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
