I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
