i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
