I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
