Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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