Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
