I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize