Screwed.edu
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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