Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
