he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
