I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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