When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
