I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
