it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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