We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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