He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He? As in you personified your dick?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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