try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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