I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
