I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I love you.
Bad choice
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
