my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
