I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize