I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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