Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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