Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
