After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
