sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The Olympian is in my bed
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
