i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
