booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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