It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
