i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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