OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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