Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
