but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
