Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
