i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
