i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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