we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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