Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
