Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
