Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
