I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
