I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
