Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
