Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize