i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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