Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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