I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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